Rabbit Hole Carnival: Not Yours

“She still does this, huh?” Cel asked.

“Actually it’s gotta a lot more common since you lot came back.” Nick replied.

Yeah it was like that when she was with us way back then too.“ Susie replied.

“I still get some depression feed stuff,” Cel said. “I hope you don’t hate us for it…”

“Her highs have been higher, her lows are lowers.” Nick Replied. “But I always knew that was going to end up a struggle. Right now, I just don't know what to say, so maybe you do?”

“Well, we’ll certainly try.” Susie replied.

“That was out of the question, Cel will show her room.” Nick said.

Cel knocked on the door, but had the key ready. “Renee? We’re coming in!”

“Go away.” Renee replied, as she heard the door open. “Can’t I just not feel it every once and a while.”

“Of course you can.” Susie replied. “You just have to deal with us every time you do.”

“Not helping.” Renee said. “If Daddy was that worried he could come up here himself.”

“He took more steps than most, and you know it.” Cel said.

“He also said he had his reasons, and implied something about that I think is a bit more about
“Mike than he let’s on.” Susie replied.

“Wait… What?” Renee replied.

“Yeah. I kind of got that sense as well.” Cel said. “Did something happen?”

Renee sat up on the bed still holding Inky. “I liked to go downstairs.”

“Feeling any better.?” Nick asked.

“It was one time.” Renee replied.

“I know.” Nick said. “It still terrified you.”

“Back up.” Cel said, stepping in. “What happened?”

“Way back when I first came. I think 3 days afterwards I was crying, up in my room.” Renee said. “And daddy came in, and screamed really loud.”

“And I’ve never been—” Nick began.

“Hold.” Cel replied, holding a finger up. “Why, Renee?”

“Instinct.” Renee said. “Instincts I guess. A mix of them.”

Susie pushed Nick back a little. “Cel will say when we can talk.”

“I knew I was somewhere safer, or I guess more getting used to that. But it’s been years of make too much noise, and Mike busted down the door. And they are brothers, they look a little like each other.”
“You’ve… never said that before.” Nick said.

“I’ve talked with Ray a little about it.” Renee said. “You’re two very different people, Daddy, I mean that. And I’ve always felt a little guilty that I can’t help but—” Renee returned the hug Nick offered as she cried into him. “”One of you wrecked a home, and the other made one. But I still look at you, and can’t help but notice some things are pretty similar.”

“Is that why you can’t work some days?” Nick asked.

“Very very few of them.” Renee said. “It’s gotten to me maybe twice. Most of the time it’s just a family that reminds me of what I can have. Or some other customer that makes me think.”

“Well I don’t know much about family healing” Susie said. “But I don’t know about healing from a lot of what feels like failures. And my mom always the most important thing to remember is as long as you keep wanting to improve. All you need to know is whoever's problem or fault it may be, it’s not yours.”