Rabbit Hole Carnival: Confidentially

“Hey,” Cel knocked on the door to Renee’s room, but let himself in before closing it. “That feeling again?”

“You could tell them, you know?” Renee asked. “I don’t see how it wouldn’t be easier.”

“Because I wouldn’t believe it was healthy, or know for sure there was a benefits.” Cel replied, take a seat beside her. “You rarely believe this sort of thing when it comes from me. But I'd be more worried if we're trying to just avoid the subject.”

“How am I not avoiding the subject?” Renee asked. “I’m my room curled up, and hiding.”

“To deal with something that no one in their right mind would want to talk about.” Cel said. “You know what they’re gonna say. You know what I want to say. And the only reason I’m in this room is I’m not gonna bother with that.”

“Bother with me something else then.” Renee replied. “Why is that? Why is it really, because not even your mom can make you do something.”

“True, but that doesn’t mean she can’t teach me. I’ve admitted before I pushed you a bit.” Cel replied.

“I guess I was hoping Mike would change. Hoping maybe I would seem like a high school curled and isolated every time she was with us.”

“If I did it right, it was far from every time.” Renee replied. “Not that I hated seeing you join me in that little alcove.”

“And that’s just it, no it probably was every time.” Cel said. “But it was enough time that I wondered if you were just hiding bruises, scars, who knows what else. But as long as you were with us, you were at least attempting to be happy.”

“Yeah, well?” Renee said. “Someone was always making sure of that.”

 “That day.” Cel asked. “Well, that night you stumbled into this bar. The night you just left everything without a sound. What really happened? All of it.”

“Weird isn’t it?” Renee said. “It wasn’t the pain, the yelling. I’m not even sure it was that bruise… Adam had started trying to get me to just be quiet. He had been saving up, I had actually gotten some decent grades. We did everything right, and the truth is that the yelling match that started is still complete gibberish to me.”

“You two were going to leave? Both you and Adam.” Cel asked.

“He said that at the time. I’m not sure anymore.” Renee replied. “That was some kind of plan, if I just toughed it out a bit. But that almost endlessly meant erasing me. I was… I couldn’t be the occultic 5 leader anymore. I had more and more homeschooling. Except it… was slowly becoming more training then homeschooling. Brought that up. And then…”

“You don’t have to continue if you don't want to.” Cel said, and got to hand Renee Inky.

“It wasn’t an argument that time.” Renee replied, holding Inky the plushie close. “It was just a really hard slap. Brought me to the floor.”

“Just a slap?” Cel asked. “From Mike?”

“I was as shocked as you were.” Renee said. “But Mike wasn’t, and that made me realize that I had 2 options. Survive as some quiet puppet of a daughter, whose full identity wasn’t even processed. Never mind accept, or just leave. So I got quiet and went to my room. Didn’t even pack .”

“Just didn’t care anymore, hun?” Cel asked. “Just did what was best for you, and went off to start somewhere else?”

“I think I figure you’d all be worried sick but—” Renee started.

“My only worry was that I wouldn’t get to see you again.” Cel said. “Actually I focused deep into childhood trauma shortly after.”

“Your parents didn’t stop you?” Renee asked. “Warn you?”

“My parents knew the reason.” Cel replied. “And they knew that nothing was going to change my mind.”